Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Brides-to-be

One of my medical attendants - a portly, slightly older one - is getting married in a few weeks. Finally. I was starting to suspect that he was a swishy, card-carrying faggot actually. The fact that he's finally settling down didn't surprise me... where he actually bought his wife did.

Just got up one of those cool mornings and walked down to the nearby housing estate to pick his wife out of a line-up. Seriously.

Mail-order brides have always struck me as something archaic, an idea meant to be filed in the dusty museums with the corsets and the bound feet slippers. And yet judging by the current state of affairs, it seems to have made a comeback of sorts - kinda like the corset. I have to admit it does fulfil a certain shortage when it comes to eligible brides - though I wonder why since damsels of a marriageable age seem to sprout up everytime I turn around, or perhaps it's because all my well-meaning relatives are taking the pains to introduce every desperate singleton they know to me. Still it obviously satisfies a certain clientele since a whole range of desperate gentlemen have been clamouring for a chance with these mail order brides. Sweet, nubile young things, just picked fresh from a healthy, rural farm in Vietnam, surely an irresistible lure.

Given a description of the girls marched out like so much cattle in small groups to face their would-be husbands, it actually reminds me of a slave market of old. Without the chains attached - not the ones that are visible to the naked eye anyway. They are then examined and thoroughly questioned by their prospective husbands - just short of examining their teeth and eyes.

Dark-skinned hunkIf I sound terribly appalled, you would have guessed right. How terrible must the poor girl's lot in life be that she has to travel hundreds of miles to an unknown foreign land to marry a total stranger? Not only that, she only has two weeks on a tourist visa which means that she had better land a big fish in that span of time ( and most of the time, the fish she lands comes from somewhat unpalatable stock unfortunately ) or she'll be shipped back to the farms - like so much unwanted garbage.

As much as I might abhor such practices, still I have to wonder. If the roles were reversed, would I be tempted to take a bite? Say we swap the vivacious Vietnamese vixens for burly Burmese ( Myanmar if you wanna be PC ) boys? Or even tanned Turkish delights? Faced with the prospect of their beautiful smiles and their silky smooth, cocoa-latte skin ( and my own Dark and Delicious ), I find my indignation rapidly waning. Choosing a studly, tanned stallion from the irresistible range in their stables... hell, even with my vaunted self-control, I doubt I could resist the lure.

So where do I sign up for my own Myanmar hunk?

15 comments:

Jay said...

Oh dear, looks like the spambots have found you. But on the plus side, I think that makes ME first commentor! :-p

Anyway.

"Choosing a studly, tanned stallion from the irresistible range in their stables... hell, even with my vaunted self-control, I doubt I could resist the lure."

Every time I open one of the free gay rags and see the escort ads, I think the same thing.

Logan said...

When I think of mail-order brides, the first thing that always comes to mind is that they'd be the perfect opportunity for language practice. :-)

savante said...

Throwing out spam is what I do in my spare time :) But you're now the first again, Jay! I know what you mean about the free gay rags - and actually I've actually called one of them up.

logan, nothing like practising foreign tongues.

Paul

Anonymous said...

Hey Paul,

Just wanna wish you Happy Birthday!I thought I would wish you somewhere closer to your b'day (I presume it would be tomorrow or the day after, from your earlier post).

Anywayz, turning 29 does not preclude yourself from being sizzling HOT (i.e. your ISO), so don't frown upon it & just have fun on your special day, yeah ? I'll see if I can FED-EX a few hot aussie guys for you (something like Ryan Carnes). Or perhaps you would still stick to your classic favourite of a group of hot marine men? :)

AJ said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY
(belated tho)

did I miss a birthday?
in consolation, ur birthday is so close to the birthday of a super hot hunky minor celebrity I know...thats a good thing rite? yeah?
yeah!

Anonymous said...

that was a sad situation. Yet you managed to put some humor in it for us blogaholics. So well put.

savante said...

Thanks, jason. It would be great to have a bunch of hot Aussie guys Fedexed over but I wouldn't mind you turning up at my doorstep either :)

Hi, AJ. Hey, my birthday is tomorrow actually .. and what hot minor celebrity?

Brian, it was really tragic actually and I can't imagine what the girls must be going through. Not fun being paraded like cattle.

Paul

Anonymous said...

hey... happy bday in advance, paul ;-)

and abt de burmese, i never did go much for chinky features.. hate to souind racist... now, if u talk abt de turkish hotties... hehehe..

actuallu, all said n done, i prefer my good ole indian boys! lol.

Kenji said...

Happy Birthday there! (Hope i get the date right... if not, its an advance for you!) ;D

Anyway~

You shouldn't fret too much there... You sure you really wanna try and order a hunk from somewhere else? ;p

Anonymous said...

Paul

I will be your mail order male (husband)...but I am not dark skinned. However, I am gainfully employed and have skills (I will let your mind wonder on that last statement).

Michael said...

If this works out well for you, let me know so I can order my own hot Burmese with big pythons.

Will said...

*mind boggles at the idea*

Think of all the menMeNmEn I could buy!!!

Mr RM said...

Hey Paul,

I know where you can get equally yummi-licious Thai hunks... what say you?

Just forget about Burmese guys, try the Thais for a change.... also Thais speak better English!

savante said...

closetalk, i actually find something sexy about every guy :) I am kinda an equal opportunity kinda guy.

chris, if the hunk looked like Chris Evans, I am placing an order.

luvnromance, come over now :)

michael, if I do get one, I'll tell you how it goes.

will, we could open a franchise with all the MenmenMen!

Kit, where did you stash all the hot thai boys? Tell me!

and ru, write to me!

Paul

Anonymous said...

Paul

Mail Order Hunks do sound kinda interesting, but ultimately kind of strange and unfulfilling. BTW, I have found my man.

Paul, good luck with finding your own special person. It took me 40 years !!! I already told you Paul, that I am going to propose next week when I get home. I know what his response is gonna be when I propose next week !!

So I gotta order the Red roses and choccies now !!