Saturday, November 05, 2005

To tempt a saint

If you recall a guy named Mormon Gordon, one of my old best friends... well he asked me out for dinner tonight since he's back for a short vacation to finalize the plans for his wedding at the end of the month. It has been a while since I've seen him though we've spoken on the phone a few times so it should be great finally meeting up for a drink. Of course judging by his previous encounter with alcohol - and the subsequent manhandling thereafter, I think I'm gonna restrict his drinking to simple non-alcoholic fizzy drinks. Certainly no need to tempt the saint.

A zero calorie dinnerNudged Gordon's dinner to a late dinner/early supper though since I'm still meeting Big Bicep Barry for some makan before that. With his propensity for ordering minute portions worthy of scrawny, bulimic supermodels - and raising a terrifyingly blighting eyebrow when I take my usual cholesterol-high, heart-unfriendly meals, I figure I won't eat all that much anyway :) When it comes to food - and men actually, I'm afraid to say that I'm actually partial to large, sinful portions of beef that would have Barry fainting to the ground after calculating the astronomical calories.

The poor man. Don't know why but I have this horrible recurrent images of tieing the brawny guy up and force-feeding him large pieces of meat dripping with oil.

Yes. I am a bad gay man.

With four weddings in the next two months, it's really amazing the number of friends I have who are getting married - or for that matter the number I know who are already married! When I think of some of the wild, crazy antics that we've been up to ( only half instigated by me... I swear! ) I boggle at the idea of them settling down in relative sobriety. Hell, it's starting to make me desperate - and jealous as hell, I'd have to admit. Though surely not as desperate as my relatives who are all too willing to throw me at the nearest single, nubile Vietnamese boat refugee.

Hell, what do I tell them? Surely no one's as ready to transfer to the state of Matrimony but how to tell them that I'd much prefer a taller, darker, hairier groom? :) Finding the groom isn't as easy as I thought it'd be - and a far more arduous task than I'd imagined with the suitors few and far between. My list of requirements surely isn't that difficult to fill :) A healthy, intelligent male with all his teeth and hair - who loves me.

14 comments:

Allan Yap & Nigel A. Skelchy said...

Happened upon your blog. Cool! Check mine out.

http://kampungkayell.blogspot.com

My name's Nigel by the way.

Anonymous said...

I rather like the idea of your force-feeding bound-up Barry pieces of meat. Bet he'd enjoy it too. ;oP

Musang said...

Hari Raya, in another point of view, tempt people with evil foods.

barbequed lamb, rendang ayam, pulut, lemang, ketupat, yadda... yadda... yadda.

And me, being a defenseless little bitch I am, tempted to have all these in one go. Thank god I'm not San Goku.

I think, at the end, we have to choose what we eat, like my mom choose not to have all these (but she cooked them, she's bad). She's diabetic.

And me, mild eczema case, rendang ayam and anything seafood would bring me hell.

Many thanx to betnovate 1:1 and piriton.

canardbidon said...

If you forcefeed me steak I promise I'll pretend to be whoever you want me to be!

come to KL for wider selection lah!

savante said...

nigel, hi! Thanks for dropping by.

Force-feeding poor Barry... :) Sounds like a good plan, ru.

Musang. You are making me so hungry! And don't makan those stuff lah. Why risk the eczema?

canard, I am buying the steak now!

Paul

Mark said...

Darlin' I have the exact same problem with men - and my 'criteria' is very similar...

But yes, you should tied Big Bicep barry up, I think deep down he's just waiting for you to take charge!

Anonymous said...

On the bright side, you get to go to weddings more. Free alcohol. Free meal. Free alcohol. Free Champagne.. Free Alcohol.... did I mention alcohol? Maybe, your wedding may be closer than it appears to be. :-)

savante said...

The idea of tieing up a hot guys is delicious, Darien, so don't tempt me :)

Don't forget the money we must bring to the weddings... I'll be poor for the next lil while, Shigeki.

Paul

Anonymous said...

A healthy, intelligent male with all his teeth and hair - who loves me.

Looking like that while grocery shopping couldn't hurt either. *Grin*

canardbidon said...

yalah weddings r not cheap!

Paul: u have no idea, I LOVE steak... I will do ANYTHING
.. I might even tie you up

hehe

Anonymous said...

A healthy, intelligent male with all his teeth and hair - who loves me.

You forgot to add the magic words - JUST THE WAY I AM

-speaking up on behalf of the Bridget Jones Boys' Club-

Unknown said...

Weddings can be fun! I am always seated at the Gay Table! Great place to meet new friends and tease the Groom. Just to make sure! LOL!

Anonymous said...

The next time your family mentions matrimony, tell them you wouldn't like right in a wedding dress! :)

savante said...

james, I have a sudden urge to go grocery shopping for some reason.

canard, you've dug up one of my secret fetishes. Bring the rope on.

Those are the most romantic words ever - and it makes me swoon each time, weeshiong.

The gay table, PIcasso? Nah, I usually get landed on the table with the most single ladies :)

Wedding dress, Brian? Yuck :) I'd have to shave my hairy legs.

Paul