Sunday, December 11, 2005

Don't hate me cause I'm beautiful

No matter how much we might rile over the unassailable fact, all of us know that looks actually do matter... even more so when it comes to the shallow, superficial world of shiny gay boys with their gym-toned muscles and perfectly teased hair. Surely somewhere in the seedy backrooms, there's an unwritten rule in gayland that the pretty princes shall not date the lowly beasts - and vice versa unless the Beast expeditiously happens to come along with a shiny Ferrari, a swanky Bukit Tunku mansion and an extra large credit account.


Quarterback
I'm more than my gorgeous abs!


Someone I know - let's call him Trendy Trey - was left high and dry in a coffeehouse waiting for a guy who never showed up, and even worse sent an SMS that they wouldn't suit. Yes. A fucking SMS - almost as bad as Carrie's dumping via Post-It.

First thing I actually felt was contempt for the unknown man. Surely, even a Beast deserves an honest face-to-face encounter before being summarily dismissed. Makes me feel that the man is actually a spineless jerk who misplaced his balls several evolutionary steps back. :) And second, all I can tell my friend, Trey, is that he's well worth getting rid of such a spineless creature who judges a person based solely on their looks. Good riddance to bad rubbish, I say.

Looks do matter but it surely isn't everything. I'm no saint and I'll admit that although I'm certainly no Brad Pitt, I am also guilty of making snap judgements based on a man's looks too. Short of guys who are visually challenged, everyone does snap judgements like that on some level ( let's face it, most of us would automatically assume that Chris Evans is a nice, sweet, charming guy - and we'd also hope that he has the loose morals of an alleycat but that's something else entirely ) but it doesn't form the basis of my entire outlook on a man's character.

With my ISO, I never actually obsessed over his looks. He kinda grew from a best friend I'd confide in to someone whom I'd fuck against the wall just for looking so damned sexy and fine. His good looks crept up on me over the years and suddenly, it's just right there in my face demanding attention. :) I'll admit that with Big Bicep Barry, his looks did attract my attention at first but if I'd obsessed over his biceps and smile, I wouldn't have found out what a sweet man he is, how good he is at belting out karaoke melodies - and what a seriously deep reader he is. Come on, he actually reads about religion, science and space theories that would put me to sleep in seconds ( a freak, I know! ). Sure he might turn out to be straight as hell in the end but that doesn't mean I'll regret making a friend :)

Work in a hospital and you'll see that muscles do sag and shiny teeth do fade - and God, I've seen what sexy tattoos look like on pecs that aren't so perky anymore and it's not a pretty picture. But even with the ravages of age, a sense of humour, a semblance of integrity and intelligence does stand the test of time.

Unfortunately most of us are much too shallow in our youth to spend the time searching for these unpolished gems, preferring to rifle through shiny trinkets that actually don't amount to much in the end.

14 comments:

Mark said...

Quite true, and I'm as guilty as the rest.

But there are places I can go and places I can't and I've reconciled myself to that.

Life's not fair and feelings aren't fairly asigned... you either get used to it and live truly to yourself, causing as little hurt as possible; or be a selfish bastard... but you'll never please everyone.

Anonymous said...

Darien - you just did a good post on a similar theme. :o)

Paul - love your comments about the spineless jerk! :oD

MrBunnyBan said...

How did the guy decide not to meet Trey based on looks if he didn't even meet him yet?

Last minute cancelations via SMS seem to be the 'in' thing nowadays... spineless jerks, eh?

Anonymous said...

I think it's nothing wrong that we have preference on physical appearances. It's wrong if this guy ditched your friend over SMS because of looks.

But I dont understand if some guy who is looking for someone says "looks" never matters. I've recently run into one of those people and I was confused. Seriously? not a little bit?

Legolas said...

My favourite lines:

Looks can be deceiving.
Your heart will change the way you look.

Still, can't blame me for first impression, but I will try to know your heart to see your true colours.

W said...

Lovely post. Congratulations. Big hug from Portugal.

jjd said...

muscles do sag and shiny teeth do fade.

I couldn't agree more. At the end of the day, I want to be with someone who I genuinely like and makes me feel good, so much more essential than looks.

excellent post.

Unknown said...

'visually challenged'... :p..

i heart your post...

CTG said...

Good post Paul. Love it. Well written. Take care CTG

Kenji said...

Sad to say... that rule of gorgeous men only beings with men of the same standard is held out everywhere...

If possible I WISH that rule is abolish... its so hipocritical and good guys are sometimes left out...

Umm... don't mind me... think it was a tad bit melodramatic there! O.o

Jay said...

I suppose there's no point telling you that I'm not shallow - I've got a whole blog dedicated to my shallowness - but I'll just say that:

a) IMHO looks matter if all you're after is a shag. What's inside only becomes important if you're still there the next morning. No amount of good looks will make me date a total arsehole (unless he looks like Colin Farrell, in which case I'll just suck it up).

b) there's only one thing that would make me do a no-show when it comes to online hookups, and that's if I think the guy has obviously and deliberately lied to me about his appearance. I'm not saying that it's what happened to your friend, but to my mind, online liars need to be taught a big fat lesson.

savante said...

All of us are guilty of it to some extent, Darien. Shigeki agrees obviously. We are not blind after all ( or should I say visually challenged, hushmonkey? ) :)

Well, ru, I wouldn't get sad. I'd get freaking mad :) Some people react to situations like this by retreating, I go nuclear ballistic.

Daniel, the guy obviously saw him and sent the sms :) And hey, I didn't ditch you! I went earlier, you couldn't make it. And I've already seen you so it doesn't count.

c.jordan. You are right but it doesn't hurt if the guy with a heart of gold looks a lil like Chris Evans :)

Takes a while to see into the heart, Leggy, and I guess some guys don't take the time.

Thanks, w! Portugal! I am stunned!

jjd, I'd love to make you feel good too - especially with your great teeth and smile :)

Thanks, ctg.

Hey, Jamie, long time no see!

chris, the rules have always been there of course :) But it doesn't mean we should all live by it.

Went to the toilet and never returned, kl muscle! That sounds horrible!

Jay, I agree with you on the COlin Farrell bit :) Some guys can be assholes if they want!

Paul

Anonymous said...

Hi there Guys. Its me Trendy Trey. I am so touched with what all of you wrote. You guys have been a life saver. Thanks. Hugs

Anonymous said...

Boy, have you written a great summation of this problem.
It seems real common.
I both fear being judged in this way and fear myself judging others similarly.

However, there is another distinction:

Who you choose to have sex with should always be your choice, shallow or not.

But many gay guys will also exclude the "lesser" men from their circle of friends - you know, just friends - purely based on their looks.

That's so much worse then with a choice of sexual partners, IMO.

Makes you wonder if the that's what the Stonewall rioters wanted for the future.

Anyway, you've got a cool site here.