Thursday, March 30, 2006

Crouching Sluts, Hidden Diamonds

Don't be shocked but I've actually taken a few days off from work to rest and relax. Overwhelmed by work and deadlines, Big Bicep Barry calls me a lucky devil but I call my break a desperate, much-needed attempt to regain some semblance of sanity. Despite my tak ape, laid-back demeanour, the inevitable work stress does get to me and without my periodic breaks, I might just morph into a raving mad, axe-wielding serial murderer.

Although retail therapy would come first on my list for ways to unwind, a short holiday on the beach comes a close second. Even as I write this, I'm sipping a cup of earl grey while watching a bunch of young guys grapple around with a volleyball ball on the beach ( not each other unfortunately but I have a devious, imaginative mind that can fill in the blanks ).

The old cynicHowever even the sight of half-naked men can't make me forget what a friend confided the other day. I've always assumed that it takes a while to gather disillusionment and cynicism about life. Aren't we all supposed to be just a tad idealistic when we're young? Isn't spinning pretty castles in the air and dreaming of that handsome prince coming to the rescue the exclusive province of a charmed youth? Even in my admitted senility, I'm certainly not immune to such rose-tinted fantasies myself!

Well, that dream certainly suffered a tremendous letdown when a certainly younger gay man - Disillusioned Dan - that I know came out with the airy comment that gay relationships are essentially doomed to failure especially since men are genetically engineered to stray. Took me a while to swallow that surprisingly cynical maxim since I was too busy catching my breath after choking on my tea ( Yes, tea. After cutting down on my obsessive caffeine intake, I've been weaning myself with hits of green tea - not the same sadly ).

Dan : Men can have one apple in hand but they certainly won't be able to resist taking a bit into a fresher, nicer looking fruit if they have the opportunity.
Paul : Number one, you cynical manchild, that doesn't run true for all guys. I ain't greedy and I'd stick to munching on that sweet apple of mine. And you never know that pretty new fruit could have a worm or two inside. Number two, hey, you're a nice looking fruit yourself.
Dan : Let's say you're in a relationship. Don't tell me you wouldn't say yes if a hot looking guy...
Paul : Stop right there. Only for Chris Evans - and that would be placed in small print on the marriage certificate so there's certainly no misunderstanding.

One failed relationship certainly doesn't make me chatty Oprah, purveyor of all romantic relationships, but isn't that a horrible thought to carry in one's head? Let's face it, fidelity seems to be a foreign concept to circuit boys and gay diamond anniversaries are few and far in between but to seriously think that all gay relationships are doomed from the beginning can't be all that healthy.

If I seriously imagined that all men are cheating scum - and for the most part some of them are - it would seriously impair any chances I had in a future relationship. Why enter into a gay relationship at all with the idea that it would inevitably crash and burn in a few months?

All I'd like to tell Dan is to think positive. Not all fags are pondsucking faithless frogs crouching in the bushes waiting for the next opportunity, search a little harder and surely there are princes out there worth more than gems.

21 comments:

Petie said...

For your last questions I will quote Barbra Striesand in the movie 'The Mirror has Two Faces' - "Why do we entered into relationship knowing that it has a high percentage of failure which leads to heart broken and emotional distress? I would like to say it felt so fucking great while it last" :)

akihisa said...

"To loved or be loved is better than nothing", ermmm, I think it goes something like that. ;p All I'm feeling right now, is family love. So, I'm itching to feel real love!

"Why enter into a gay relationship at all with the idea that it would inevitably crash and burn in a few months?"

I think that's the reason why I'm hesitant and confused right now. *sigh*

Anonymous said...

pete (or rather barb) is so right! and altho am cynical most of the time, love is one thing i am hopeful for. i don't want to die alone and be eaten by my 10 cats.

ok, i now just sound like bridget jones.

just don't give up on love. why should you?

savante said...

But pete, I'd work so damned hard to keep it going! The only thing that would piss me off is.. well infidelity of course but I'd still try if I thought it was worth it.

Don't let such statistics get you down, ahmad. YOu could be the exception to the rule.

Ooh, asmadi, the 100 cats scare me!

Paul

MrBunnyBan said...

What nonsense. Gay men don't have a libido any higher than that of straights. There are men who remain faithful. You're an example of that, aren't you? Are you so extraordinary? Why did you let this get you down?

It's kind of like my job. Odds are against us, but we're certainly not going to give up.

Matt. K. said...

Hi! My first comment on your blog ever! It so happens I'm the 7th person, I think. Anyway, I couldn't agree more with you. Think positive.

"Not all fags are pondsucking faithless frogs crouching in the bushes waiting for the next opportunity, search a little harder and surely there are princes out there worth more than gems."

That's true! I for one, am a sucker for "true" romance and love. And I'm certainly not a "pondsucking faithless frog" when it comes to love. Although, I have to say when a hot guy shows up, I won't hesitate to look. We're fags after all! =P

PS: I have not the slightest idea if my comment is appropriate for this post!! Such an amature!!

Matt. K. said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Jay said...

Well, I'm sure not ALL men are (to quote) pondsucking faithless frogs. But there are a lot of sluts in our community, and by extension, a lot of temptation.

I've yet to meet a long-term gay couple (10 years or more) that's stayed completely monogamous. In fact, I don't know of any 5-year relationships which aren't 'open' or plagued by cheating on one side or both. This is obviously by no means conclusive research, but there you have it.

hcpen said...

u 've certainly scored a few points with me paul being so monogamous and all, i am sure u will find a nice husband with a nice monogamous personality like urs...about gay relationships failing, all i can say is that i don't think ALL will but SOME do...however, if u carry an attitude of it inevitably failing, it will definitely fail....and there is NO SUCH THINGS as gay relationships or str8 relationships, the problem is and has always been MEN so lets just say its difficult for men to stay faithful forever, straight gay or otherwise...

Anonymous said...

I feel like getting stabbed by the very true information yet I don't really go for a relationship yet. :-( But it's all good as long as I know what I am doing...wait, I THINK I know what I am doing. :-)

Enjoy your relaxing days!

Anonymous said...

Relationship problems aren't the sole domain of gay men, or straight men, or just men. Men aren't controlled by their biology as pretty (and convenient) as it might be to think so. It's an out to which people (male and female) cling, to cover their own insecurities about being able to find and maintain a relationship.

Enjoy the R&R.

Just Me said...

Interesting comments. It is hard to find a gay relationship that has been together for a while. The longest gay relationship I know two lesbians that have been together for 20 something years. But gay men...probably about 3 or 4 years.

I am hopeful that one day I will meet the guy of my dreams.

Maximus Leo said...

The odds are stack against us. That I know is a true fact.... but then again, it's a choice that we make. We could be straight and yet we stray. So what is it in for us? Either be single and lonely or make a stab at it and see how it works out. If it works out and 20 years down the road you're still together, be thankful that happens. If it doesn't, cest la vie!

Will said...

Maybe Dan is setting the stage for the day he is in a relationship and then strays: "Oh, it's not my fault, it's biology."

Adrian and I celebrated 5 years together in January. We have been through things that would challenge ANY relationship, straight or gay, yet we have worked through them because we love each other and that's just what you do. Gay relationships can work out just fine as long as people understand that work is involved, and it isn't just having birds sing in your ear 24/7 while life sprinkles rose petals around you. Maybe one reason people stray is that cheating just involves the fun of sex without the work of love.

Anonymous said...

So much to say...but never the right words....

NeiLDC said...

"RElax, have a break"... Sometimes in a relationship it was too hard for you to decide, some fruits could be always decieving and we tend to look that way sometimes, We dont love a the otherside of it. Sometimes it could persuade you to continue. they say "LOVING THE UNLOVABLE CAN PROVE A CHALLENGE TO EVERYONE" now, hope you wilñ find the right person. now remember when you are into a relationship regarding happiness. "If happiness comes into you life, never grab it because you need it, its because you really love it" (",)

hrugaar said...

From what I've seen, some people (whether gay or straight, male or female) will just tend to monogamy, and some won't. And just because you fancy a bit of another apple doesn't mean you can't choose to say no if it's going to cause upset with those around you. Maybe it's more a selfishness issue than a biological one. ;oP

hrugaar said...

Paul - great title, btw! :o)

savante said...

Daniel, you've got this post totally wrong. Dan thinks that way. I'm just shocked that someone can think in such a negative manner when he hasn't even embarked in a relationship of any sort. Isn't it sad?

Certainly not inappropriate :) Matt, you can certainly look your fill at the pretty frogs but you don't have to lock lips - and any other body part - with them.

Not even a single monogomanous couple, Jay! :O

hcpen, excusing men for straying is sad, don'tcha think? Anon is right!

Sure you're enjoying your own hols, shigeki :) Glad you dropped by.

cr, here's me hoping too! Keep our fingers crossed, Ian.

Love the idea of birds chirping in your ear 24/7 but it'd drive me insane actually, will :)

Surely you jest, ya master storyteller Brian :)

n. armstrong. Will surely grab it if I find the chance.

Short of Chris Evans waiting around to get a bite, I would say no, ru :)

Paul

Anonymous said...

What make you think that you 1st relationship was a failure? Is it caused it ended n didnt develop into something that you imagine it to be?

When I was with my previous ex,the relationship lasted for 3 years, n never one that I slept with another guy even when the opportunity is there to be taken. I guess, deep down, it is up to you to choose either you want to take the offer or not. As for me, when Im attached, i will always remain monogomous n loyal. When Im single..that is a different story altogether...

Oh..I do have to agree with Will when he said "maybe one reason people stray is that cheating just involve the fun of sex without the work of love".

Have faith in your future relationship my dear.

savante said...

Nicely put, pakcik. Thanks. :)

Paul