Thursday, May 04, 2006

Speechless

Turns out that it's particularly fitting to talk about different voices especially since I'm glued to American Idol - and also because I've had a slight tickle in my throat for the past few days.

Voices always come as a surprise actually. While occasionally stereotypes do actually ring true - that perky blond cheerleader really could have the squealy, high-pitched ever-enthusiastic voice that makes you wanna wring her neck and the husky, smoky siren's voice could actually belong to the exotic goddess beckoning you over at the end of the bar, it is also quite possible that the sexy, masculine baritone that practices pure seduction over the airwaves belongs to an old, arthritic granny knitting crochet on her rocking chair. Even the underachieving finalist on American Idol, Elliott Yamin with his plain, average man kinda looks has an indescribably beautiful voice that sounds almost sublime on stage. Over at work, I've seen it often enough to believe that the old jokes actually holds true.

Unlike the obsessive karaoke idol wannabes - like my woefully untalented neighbour who wails unthinkingly all evening long in tune with the mewling cats, not everyone has the guts to go live impromptu - certainly not me despite my seemingly all-confident persona online. My astounding vocal talents, whatever they might be, are forever confined to the four small walls of my shower I'm afraid. Big Bicep Barry, for one, doesn't seem to have any qualms over wielding the all-powerful microphone in public. Certainly not short of confidence, that one. Though I haven't heard him belt out some tunes, even Charming Calvin has mentioned an odd predilection ( fetish? ) for karaoke bars.

Just yesterday while Barry was humming a tune under his breath - shall I tell you that he secretly sings My Hips Don't Lie? - he confided in me that he secretly wishes that his voice was different. For a guy who maneuvres his hulking vehicle in town with those big arms, it always surprises me that his singing voice is far from what one would expect. Think more of a high tenor... which is why he wishes for a robust baritone which I assume would be more in keeping with his brawn.

Michael BubleOddly enough, my voice deepens, smoothens and becomes almost irresistibly husky when I'm actually painfully aching in my throat - kinda like I am right now though it's getting better. Normally a horribly nasal baritenor that practically mimics Nanny Fine in the early hours of the morning ( and fortunately becomes more recognisably human as the day goes by ), my tone drops several octaves when I fall miserably ill - and suddenly I'm mumbling in the lower bass tones like Michael Buble / Jack Johnson.

Which is why tonight I'm gonna jive with the jazz musicians and challenge the screeching diva several doors down. Time for some sweet revenge.

24 comments:

Anonymous said...

cool DAWG, way cool! drive those damn diva-wannabees off the cliff like a bunch of crazed lemmings! bwahahaha. :)

quicksilverlining said...

i can't sing for nuts. but i WILL sing for dollars. heh.

savante said...

Ooh. Wish I could just shove them off the cliff, designdoctor!!

quicksilver, start singing.

Paul

joshua said...

singing is good. relieve stress what. i am pretty sure you can kick some bad ass with your singing. add oil then.

you sultry crooner you.

Anonymous said...

Yes, Paul, give that girl her match! Bring out the Buble in you. I love that guy! Met him twice in Manila, stayed in the same room with him for some hours. How I wish I had done nasty things to him!

Stinging Rabbit said...

If you were here with your smouldering baritone voice, I would jump you without thinking and pinch your nipples! Lolz. :P I can't sing for nuts or money but I'll try for a hot guy. Hehe.

Maximus Leo said...

If only you really really sound like Jack Johnson! But do you look closely remotely like him ? :-) now that would be a turn on as well! :-)

Dave said...

eh Paul, sing us George Michael's Freedom 90 and money will start to roll into your wallet.

Or perhaps bring us A-Ha's Take On Me instead, the song that i will never get sick after listening to 200 times per year. :P

Musang said...

barry sang my hips don't lie?

LOL.

that's something...

famezgay said...

how about playing a piano as well while u singing..

Mark said...

I love American Idol!!! It's sooo much better than Australian Idol... infact I may go blog about it.

pakcik said...

Hips Dont Lie..that one from Shakira right? weird choice of song coming from Barry.

I remember one time, out of nowhere during the karaoke session, suddenly I sang "Spice Up Your Life" by Spice Girl. Saw a horrible face from each of my friend..ha.ha...so funny. I cannot stop laughing n eventually cannot finish singing that song.

I love one song from Fish Leong though. Cant remember the title. So damn sad.

Anonymous said...

my voice reminds me of nanny fine as well. and i hate my voice too. the only time i like it was when i got a sore throat so bad, my voice turned hoarse and throaty, kinda sexy actually :D

as for singing, let's just say the only singing i would do is in my bedroom. and even that will be confined to tunes that i can carry.

how i wish for chris daughtry's or elliot yamin's voice now.

Xavier said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Xavier said...

jiving? yeah yeah, i wanna join! need a coloratura tenor or counter tenor?

savante said...

Add oil, joshua?

For a minute, you had me going with the staying in the same room as Buble thing, mark :) Certainly had me wondering.

Go ahead, silentside.

Wish I sounded exactly like Jack Johnson too, Ian.. but nah, it's a bad version of JJ.

Dave, I actually tried singing freedom. Have also sung most of George Michael's songs - fittingly enough in the toilet.

The man has a penchant for hips that don't lie, musang.

g_c, never noticed your hidden diva!

ceusm, like al suburban gay boyz, I actually do play the piano. badly though.

Blog about it now, darien!

Gasp! You listen to Fish Leong, pakcik!?

Oddly enough, I'm wishing for Chris Daughtry's body, asmadi.

A tenor would be fine, xavier :)

Paul

joshua said...

jia you? <-mandarin

figure singing Hips Don't Lie is marginally acceptable, even from Barry. Imagine if he was yodelling to My Humps.

My hump, my hump, my hump
My humps, they got you...

Stinging Rabbit said...

What do you want me to do? Jump you and pinch your nipples or sing for a hot guy? Please do tell. Hehe.

confusticated said...

i used to be in a choir. i don't think it was ever official, but i used to be the bass master. i think it was because i was the only one in bass who could remember the correct notes to sing. heh.

Anonymous said...

Ooh yummy, sore-throat-husky voice. Go, Paul!

Unfortunately, sore throats only make my singing (if you can call it that) worse. While before, people ran screaming; with a sore throat now, they stab themselves in the eye with pencils, dive headfirst out a 5th floor window, run into the path of an oncoming train, anything ANYTHING to stop the pain.

quicksilverlining said...

hey, doctor. see what i made for you!

Anonymous said...

so how's your jiving? :)

savante said...

joshua, a few weeks back, hwe was actually addicted to that song which is why I know the lyrics.

silentside, you're welcome to do both!

I was in the choir too, idiot!

The stabbing in the eye was... horrifying, jamie :)

Thanks, chas :)

quicksilver, it looks lovely! Like the purple.

The jiving was good but I have a feeling the lady went to bed early.

Paul

Stinging Rabbit said...

I don't mind doing both my good doctor. Just wait for me when I go to Melaka, Doctor Paul. Hahaha! :P