Friday, July 21, 2006

HomosexOil

Pleased that his mathematical superiority frequently dwarfs my singularly pathetic summation skills, Charming Calvin was able to make a recent conclusion that my recent bout of fever had a direct correlation with the frequency of heated sessions in his Cosy Crib. Let's humour the fella but for myself, I'd blame it on nasty bacteria ( damn them! ), the crappy weather we're facing lately ( damn the depleting ozone!! ) and a lack of sleep ( damn on-calls!!! ).

Then again, it could be my sheer cranky orneriness.

Proving that I'm not quite the unscientific dinosaur incapable of making a statistical hypothesis, I have finally decided to make a stand of sorts. Surely, earth-shattering news if everyone found out, I'm sure. From the title of this post, you'd be forgiven for thinking that I've discovered some miraculous Lorenzo's Oil that could turn straight men irrevocably gay but I haven't ( unfortunately dammit! ).

For some time, it has been a secret postulation of mine that a certain town in East Malaysia has a higher propensity of producing gay males rather than any other region in the entire country. Since it is quite obvious that I'm endangering my life by revealing such a shockingly controversial hypothesis, the name of the town shall be kept anonymous though it's quite as famous for the production of oil as it is for exporting hot men. It is my current belief that the oil seepage contaminates the potable water sources of the people in that doomed region, therefore contaminating and polluting the DNA of the innocent folks there after consumption - which invariably leads certain fabulous sections of the thoroughly bewildered DNA helix to gradually mutate into the gay gene!

Brazil boys
Sure this isn't somewhere in East Malaysia?

Which leads to a higher propensity for window decoration, Barbra Streisand fanclubs and sheer fabulousness in that particular town. Slowly put your hands up if you're from the aforementioned town and you'll probably see more than a few other homo hands coming up in unison ( oddly enough more than the gay national average, I'm sure ). Trust me, someone really needs to study this. Perhaps the Scientia Concilium ab Notroh?

BTW, still a bit feverish if you hadn't guessed from the mildly delirious ramblings. As my lovely literary Jo March used to say, genius burns after all. :)

16 comments:

Joel said...

hi paul,

I have one pinky shorts like in this pic, am I gay?? :-)

Joel

hrugaar said...

Hmm, wonder if seepage produces a similar gay mutation in other oil-producing areas around the world, e.g. Middle East, Texas. Any volunteers for some hands-on field research? ;oP

A Bear in the Woods said...

I reccommend telling Calvin that it was the hot sweaty conjugal activities that saved your life. If it hadn't been for the mouth to mouth rescuscitation, you'd have been a goner.
And this town, give us a hint? Starts with a...?

Kihu said...

town that producing oil.. hehehee quite obvious then... Guys find out in Geography book then kekek

pink dolphin said...

So, Paul, tell me, this 'place'...some clues, maybe, cos' I may know it, but pretty unsure myself...hmmm

Legolas said...

Hmmm... Wonder whether the oil really turns people gay... This is definitely a research of the century for NotrohWoods.

Alex said...

Wow... indeed a great field for research for NotrohWoods Scientific Community.
We shall start by seducing guys from the aforementioned town.

Annie said...

ooh oooh oooh 20 questions? I wanna play! Wait... that didn't sound right. Um. Do I have to have a clue what city you're talking about? Do I need to be near the same continent? Oh, nevermind. I'm all for Daniel's theory about Calvin's mouth-to-mouth .. Calvin's our hero. woohoo. No..I still don't know what I'm talking about. Nevermind me. :)

Anonymous said...

lol. i come from a town with lots of oil palm. does that count? =P

Xavier said...

*ahem...

The Illuminated hails from the East Land....

and spend over 2 years in the mentioned City, prior to Notroh Woods....

this is a very serious matter because it concerns the very origin of the NotrohWoods....

NeiLDC said...

Paul

what an oil you made.. Olive oils and sunflower oils are good... Makes staving!

How about CALVIN's OIL??

Petie said...

Joel please email me the photo of you in that pink short? :)

Matt. K. said...

What is this place? What town are you talking about? Maybe it could explain my queerness!

Anonymous said...

well...obviously the town mention is SIBU.

pakcik

Francis Ford Faggola said...

Hey Paul, I hope you get better. I am desperately trying to ;P

Just Me said...

I am willing to travel to this town and sleep with as many of these hot gay men as possible to study your theory.