Sunday, July 23, 2006

Kung Pow Chicken and Fantan Fanny

Dinnertime for my family over here is usually fraught with nervous tension at the table. When my brother and I were much younger, we usually left the important decision making to my father - who assumed the autocratic role of household head through some nefarious politicking and illegal vote-buying. But since we've grown somewhat more savvy with age and experience, these days we like to make our voices heard when the menu is read.

After all, not everyone likes having sweet sour everything on the menu all the time.

Unlike Western restaurants with their formalized beautifully scripted menus, most Asian diners here rely solely on the collective memories of the harassed cook and his equally hapless waiter - who has to memorize at least two dozen fan favourites to recite regularly in a heavily accented, sing-song manner to the clueless patrons. Easy enough to pick out a number from a Chinese takeaway menu in the west ( damn I miss that! ) but over here, it's more of a puzzle wrapped in an enigma as you try to discern exactly what's cooking in the kitchen which judging from the sheer breadth of Chinese cuisine could be anything from pig's trotters to snake flesh.

While the more experienced waiters are able to rattle off an amazing plethora of dishes in an awe-inspiring breath, the newer, ditzier ones ( such as the Fantan Fanny in our neighbourhood diner ) regularly fumble and stammer even over egg foo-yong, surely one of the most basic dishes in Chinese cuisine. Takes a while to even pry out some of the cook's signature dishes, usually some esoteric delicacy such as Szechuan flying chicken braised in golden millseed oil and falling autumn leaves from the mountains of Shenyang - or sometimes in whispered breaths sotto voce, there'll be talk of steamed pandas on fresh bamboo shoots much to the consternation of animal conservationists everywhere. Astonishingly enough, the Chinese really do eat almost everything.

This peculiar habit of ordering dinner has always been part of my dad's milieu and it's only been in recent years that I've actually started making orders of my own. Quite a significant milestone making my own order in a Chinese restaurant since I never actually paid attention to my father's rapid-fire conversations with the waiters previously. Time enough that I made a stand though since my poor dad persists in the deluded fantasy that we all partake of his choices in equal enjoyment.

Look what's cookingWhich is so not true since there are some dishes that I particularly loathe - and will possibly never touch unless it's slathered on a naked, submissive Brandon Routh. Even then, I'd have to think twice on whether to wipe it off first.

1. Deep-fried fish - not in the delicious English Fish and Chips manner but in the Asian fried till everything's golden crunchy manner. Sorry but YUCK!
2. Anything dipped in sweet and sour, be it pork, chicken, beef, rabbit or whatever else they can toss in it. Why does everyone believe that sweet sour sauce makes everything alright? It doesn't! YUCK!
3. Claypot anything. I despise anything that's left to simmer and boil in a claypot! YUCK!
3. Baked beans. Not particularly Chinese but I still hate it. Bleargh.

Certainly not easy to cater to everyone's tastes of course but aren't my dislikes pretty obvious? Definitely have far more varied tastes now in comparison to my youth when I had an odd predilection for yam and potatoes. Surely there are many other ways to fry a fish which is why my brother and I stared for almost five minutes when Fantan Fanny placed a dish on the table. Deep-fried fish slathered in sweet sour sauce.

Thank God it didn't come in a claypot with baked beans. :)

25 comments:

Annie said...

LOL! OH Paul! You poor thing. It's the Asian parents that bestow this 'guilt' in us wittle asian children. God forbid if we should disagree with what THEY consider good for us. "Eat seaweed, make you strong!" "Whatza matta wid squid? It's good for you, make you grow tall!" Deep fried fish slathered with sweet/sour sauce - LOL! YUCK! with a capital "Y". Still, better you than me. *mwah*

pink dolphin said...

Hey there
Bake beans are great but when they serve it with rice in some Chap fan shops...ewwww

Anyways, this is vas here, i have a new blog, I've linked you, if you don't mind. Neither would I mind if you linked me, too. He he he

Xavier said...

yam....

i LOVE yam "kow" 5 flower pork, if u even know wat that is... it has to be well done, till the fat are melted and the skin is soft and the meat and yam just melt into each other since usually it is displayed in a slice yam-pork-yam-pork-yam-pork manner.. nyam nyam..

really wont mind one prior to the battlefield... :p

for u, might as well just go for western la

Petie said...

Perhaps you don't know this... But black beans in Thai is also a slang for butt f*cking :P

So in Thais' meaning, I Bet you LOVED black beans :P

Patrick said...

How about Sri Lanka Huge Crab serve with cheesy gravy in claypot or fried cod fish which the flesh is still chewwy and smooth.

Talking about yam. I tried one yam puff which melt in your mouth once you bite it and the content just smoothly flow into your throat while it's hot. Not to mentioned the taste of thick char siew gravy which is just nice and make one feel like want to take another in no time.

Matt. K. said...

Thank God! I'm not the only one who's beginning to have a slight distatse for chinese cuisine. Seriously, I prefer western.

My first choice of food would always be western, followed by something exotic or new that I've never tried before and my last resort is chinese.

However, living in a chinese household with tradition as an important practice, I have take chinese meals (like the ones you said) almost about everyday! Which could turn icky if I don't have something different in the menu once in a while. I have my say on the menu at times too!

Musang said...

i didn't know that claypot is one of chinese cuisine. and i like claypot ok. they are delicious, fattening and good. especially with addition of ikan masin.

and sizzling noodle. i love sizzling yee mee to no ends. and wantan mee.

omg. my friend told me that sizzling mee is also one of chinese. i didn't know! and i am 24 years old! am i that ignorant?

*nangis*

Kiks said...

Honey, I've seen a fried RAT hanging in the windows of a cantonese restaurant.

A. Rat.

RAT!

Now, beat that!

executorlouis said...

Yeah, sweet and sour dishes is such a steoreotypical Asian thing. I always cringe whenever i see foreigners going to a Chinese food stall and the first thing they order is either sweet sour chicken or fried rice! =X

Maximus Leo said...

I'm so off anything sweet and sour! That's so despicable to the palate! But having said that I'm not missing any Cantonese or Chinese related dishes. Happy with the current selection of Japanese foods here I get in Tokyo and I don't get ulcers even work is pretty hectic here! :-)

Sue said...

That cook in your photo better be careful. His apron will slip and he'll be woking his weenie. Ouch!

Chinese: only like dim sum. Sweet and sour yuck!

Prefer Thai, Japanese (Sushi), Indian, Malay and Vietnamese.

AJ said...

leave the sweet sour pork alone! its all good. tho the other day i had a mess of friend toufu, crabsticks & onions in a claypot they tried to pass off as a proper dish! YUUUUUUUUUuck!

A Bear in the Woods said...

Being a mere anglo, I love to eat chinese, Malaysian, Filipino, where they cater to the "home" crowd. In other words, not prettied up for the tourists. I always have this slight tinge of fear in the back of my mind, that if I offend the waiter he may poison me, which somehow adds to the fun.

Anonymous said...

I can eat lots of things if not everything, different kind of preparations.

What's wrong with sweet sour? It's sweet!

Anonymous said...

Hey! I love sweet and sour and claypot. Well, I guess you still have not tasted the best. Come to my house and taste my Mom's dishes. By the way, she's a cook. Hehehe!!!

MrBunnyBan said...

Rabbits do *not* go with sweet and sour sauce! or any other sauce for that matter!

....maybe chocolate sauce. But that's another kind of meal. :p

My grandpa orders the same things every chinese dinner. All his favourite dishes. T.T

Alex said...

Yummy...

Squido said...

Hey, i actually like all those food that you mention xD

But not that you mention, it does seem like ALL the meat are either covered by some kind of sauce or simmered in claypot. o.o"

Kihu said...

gosh i'm hungry!

anyway huh din bring ur charming calvin along ah? ekeke since he will be ur family members too mar ekek

East-West said...

You simply have not eaten the best sweet and sour dishes :-)

I woo my guys with my sweet and sour pork or cuttlefish using Sarawak pineapples and even when they went on to sweeter young men, they invite themselves back to dinner :-)

Emma said...

WTF is a yam? I go to the Chinese and order prawn toast, fried rice and some form of chicken that hasn't been touched by sweet & sour sauce. *blech* Usually, chicken and cashew nuts. Or satay chicken. Or - Dammit. I'm hungry.

Jay said...

I don't like sweet/sour either, but what's the hell's wrong with fried fish and claypot anything?! Claypot tofu and claypot rice ... mmmm...

By the way, I'll thank you not to propagate the myth that we Chinese eat anything! I most certainly would never eat a panda.

I don't even like duck.

Annie said...

How did we go from eating fish to eating a Panda Bear! Buncha sickos! Hurry Paul, change the subject before something serious happens.

canardbidon said...

OMG Paul! I love all the dishes you hate!!! baked beans with egg and minced meat sweet sour style... YUMMYYY

savante said...

You are so right! Anniieee... we keep getting the what's good for us lecture. Hope I'm not a parent like that!

Baked beans with chap fan. Yuck, pink dolphin!

There is almost no bad way to cook pork, xavier :)

Gonna say black beans all the time now, pete!

I want that yam puff, patrick!

Matt, don't mind Chinese food actually. Just hate those types of food.

You didn't know they were all Chinese, musang?!

Did it taste good, kiks?

Such a stereotype huh, Louis!

Does sound hectic, Ian.. but you seem to be able to find the time to enjoy yourself.

Ah, the naked cook. YOu take your chances, sue :)

Lucky you, milady insanity!

GASP. You sweet sour pork fan, aj!

Wondering why you're going around offending waiters, daniel :)

Sweet, c calvin?!

Free food, calvin, I like!

Grandpas are exempt, daniel :) Especially if they pay.

What's yummy, alex?

I'm so right, squido!

True enough famezgay.

What exactly do you put in the dishes, east-west?

Roxie... prawn toast?

You don't like duck :O Jay, I am stunned!

You have odd taste, canard :)

Paul