Road Rage Rants

Some things are meant to be taken slow. Delving into that deliciously written lyrical Carlos Luis Zafon tale of a book lover's hunt for that elusive copy. Savouring the taste of peanut butter chocolate ice-cream mixed with Bailey's in the heat of a summer's day. Lazily licking up the salt and sweat from a lover's naked back after a heated bout.

However, not all things are meant to be taken slow-mo John Woo style.

When I'm hot, sweaty and frustrated after being caught in a half hour traffic crawl through one of the numerous highways, I'd hate to find a Slowpoke Sammy moving at a serious snails' pace at the head of the funeral march. Seriously. Are they just begging to be strangled and thrown unwillingly into a coffin?

An unexpected car breakdown has all my sympathy. An accident gets a cursory look in case I'm needed ( unlike all the other busybody gawkers! ) - rarely enough though since I usually hear the ambulances wailing several blocks down. But nothing exasperates me more than finding out that the crawl can be attributed to traffic hogs who take up half the road as they waddle their way home at 10 km/h and practically come to a dead halt just to take a simple bend. Haven't they heard of the Tokyo Drift?! Once I've been fed with the same old tired repeats on the radio while chugging slowly down the highway, it's easy enough to transform into Poisonous Parang-Wielding Paul ( with arm chopping action! ).

There's all this het up about irresponsible speed demons but I really think a law prohibiting slow drivers on highways should be instituted here too. Like throwing the abnormally slow tossers onto the usual single lanes reserved for bullock carts, trishaws and the like instead of clogging up the highways. I had this whole other far more bloodthirsty torture reserved for the perps but I've refrained from mentioning it with all the talk about bloggers in Malaysia needing a form of control. :P

Don't even get me started on crazy motorcyclists. That's a whole other can of worms.


.....****......

GASP.

Fortunately my old friends, MTV and Channel V, understand all about my woes since I come back only to find both of my favourite television hunks onscreen at the same time battling for viewer share. Obviously there is a God - and he loves mankind.

If only he'd just toss them both in a ring and splatter some mud on them. What do you say? I'm practically hyperventilating as I flip between Dominic and Colby. Can anyone say threesome?