Monday, August 27, 2007

Road Trip

Roadtrips are the stuff of legend. From adolescent teenage girls bundling into creaky jalopies for the perennial search for identity to frustrated, gun-toting housewives picking up a luscious Brad Pitt for the ride to matured gentlemen cramming into a monster truck aiming for that final fling, we have seen them all dramatized on the Hollywood big screen.

Roadtrips have always been a general staple in my life, from the quarter-yearly pilgrimages with my family up north to the motherhouse to the more recent university escapades with my intrepid compatriots in my trusty ( and much-missed ) Kancil. However of late - especially after falling into the hectic working life of a lowly salaryman ( yes, a common gripe for me ), roadtrips have become increasingly rare for me apart from the inescapable new year homecomings. Thankfully the slick ultra-modern highways we have now are a far cry from the meandering back lanes and heavily-navigated trunk roads favoured by my father many eons ago - although regular roadworks on the ailing highways these days actually narrow the difference.

So when Jaunty Jared suggested a slow drive up to Ipoh for a day-trip to canoodle with his loved one Lanky Lex, I called shotgun. Nothing like another trip in his Jumping Jalopy. Which left Zany Zinedine with the entire backseat, suitable for his lanky multi-poseable ( and periodically disjointed ) limbs. As usual for roadtrips, lips start to loosen, mouths start to tattle and we start to learn the most unusual facts about our friends.

And about ourselves - like my inexplicable predilection to sing a cappella to the bossa nova at friendly neighbourhood fruit stalls ( these days fitted with karaokes for your convenience ) after a dimsum breakfast.

Zac Efron
Seriously. Blame it on the bossa nova...

1) Jared goes bad

Along the drive, Jared regaled us with tales of his naughty exploits from crashing new year parties to rubbing naked bits with swinging studly strangers. Here I was thinking that he was such a sweet innocent soul when our experienced man of action's actually been busy cruising bars picking up men to totter up drunk and horny into anonymous apartments. A couple of days later he met me, repented and turned over a new leaf.

Coincidence? I think not :P See, I am not the maleficent spectre that people think.

2) Jared asks for directions

Regular adage claims that men don't ask for directions. Certainly doesn't fit Jared's profile though. During a brief interval where we drove in increasingly confused circles around Ipoh city, Jared suddenly flipped out at an intersection, wound down his window and yelled out threateningly at an elderly gentleman ten yards away. Zinedine and I were half afraid he'd suddenly draw on the man out of frustration ( possibly kickboxing him into submission ) but fortunately he only stopped for directions.

3) Jared flirts with old ladies

Just when I thought he'd gone off the bend - after driving for so long understand, the man starts waving money in front of an old lady, laughs it off and places it back in his pocket. I didn't know what to think. Of course he later claimed that he dropped the money accidentally without noticing the begging indigent but I started having serious doubts. Raced through dozens of provisional diagnoses. Had the endless drive seriously unhinged the poor man? Was it road sickness? Mind-altering dehydration? Untenable butt cramps? :P Did we need to veer off towards Tanjung Rambutan for an immediate psychiatric evaluation?

4) Some folks don't know nuts about Geography

Not talking about me. Not talking about the driver either ( otherwise we'd have been driving halfway to the East Coast! ). But some folks seem to think that Kuantan is a new development on the west of Malaysia. That Klang is located to the north of the city. Next thing some folks would say that Malacca could be east of Singapore. And they turned Geography into an optional subject for upper secondary. Nuff said, don'tcha think? :P

I am so gonna kena ketuk for that :P

5) Paul is glad he isn't 19

God. To be 19. Sure I might wish I still had that astounding post-adolescent metabolism that ate up late night teh tariks and char kuay teows like zero-calorie air ( and that I resembled the shockingly precocious Zac Efron at that age! ) but I certainly don't miss hideous dorm rooms, grimy showers with unspeakable stains and sweltering walks down endless uni corridors to the class at the other end of the enormous state-wide campus. And does anyone remember horrible inedible campus food?

Still the ( definitely legal ) college boys were hot. And it was nice watching them big boys cavorting in small towels.

16 comments:

Janvier said...

So that explains why everyone was in the bathroom...ingat massive orgy session.

Anonymous said...

WHO THE FUCKING CARES BOUT WHERE FUCKING KUANTAN OR TRONOH OR LUMUT OR ANY OTHER FUCKING DESERTED DISTRICT IS ANYWAY. FUCK GEOGRAPHY. LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

*equips trusty whip and glass shards*

A Lewis said...

Okay, this boy is one who loves a good road trip. Anytime I can steer clear of an airport is a good day for me. And, speaking of #4, geography, take a look. The chick is on crack or something....maybe too much blonde bleaching solution:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=qQdhMSEqhfg

ikanbilis said...

omg, i will only turn legal age this november and i'm not even 19 yet and i have no driving license for meself to go on roadtrip. strangely enough i had char kuey teow for dinner today. lol.

getting lost sometime could be fun! i can't wait to go backpacking!

Anonymous said...

*slaps* Klang IS north of the city. Leave Zanedine alone! Pbbbfffft.

adrien said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

*youtubes*

ok the hair's going black after this. wouldn't wanna be one of em uneducated "south africans and iraqis". but then again, i don't own a map either! lol

btw paul, "THESE BOOTS ARE MADE FOR WALKING." *munches on watermelon* lol

thanks abang shane! hehe

Annie said...

and where are the pictures of this roadtrip? Doesn't anyone ever think of cameras? ? mmmm?

When asked to attend to a roadtrip, ALWAYS drive shotgun. It's the best seat in the house.

Good on ya Paul

um.. and nobody got arrested?

Ganymede said...

Pedophile!

*juk juk juk

Leave the boys to me Paul. You've got more of them in the city.

William said...

Road trips.... ugh. 2 hours and it feels that my blood stops flowing to my ass. :(

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Ryan said...

A road trip huh?! Thank goodness no wild animals attack along your "educating" trip to Ipoh.

Gosh, I hate one-day-trip! What's that for? So tiring!

Medie007 said...

gotta say this is one funny one.
all along I thought i was the only one thinking Lumut's in Negeri sembilan, but at least i know Ipoh's in Kedah. hahahaha

btw, college food is nice. and i tell you, the new cina mixed rice in 12th college is cool. perhaps you should take a trip sometime back to UM. 6th hasn't changed much, but i can see why you go eewikh about college food. luckily i stayed at 2nd in my 1st yr. hohoho....but yea yea, i know, i can't escape 6th either way.

Anonymous said...

Defamation!

One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you... zeng zeng zeng zeng zeng

savante said...

Wish we were doing that, janvier. Jared was too shy.

Juk juk juk! Zinedine... itu pun tak tau. :P

But it's hilarious, lewis. Talking about the bleached blond of course.

Wouldn't want to get lost but backpacking can be fun. Do it while you're young, ikanbilis!

Your Geog certainly is good, shane :P

Jared almost got arrested for molesting elderly folk, annieieiieee...

Hardly children, queer rant. All grown up from what I can see.

Jared had the same complaints, william.

Hi, erik! thanks!

It was an important day for some folks, ryan :)

Ipoh in Kedah, ah bong?! :p

Ooh we sang to that, jared.

Paul

Alex said...

Thank you very very much for coming over! Poor Jaunty Jared... he's innocent of those charges... he's such a sweet soul... he's innocent!!!!
Hope you have a better feel of the jungle now....