Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Dr Speedy Gonzalez

Parents always make the worst patients.

Certainly one of the main reasons I refuse to administer medical advice to my parents since half the time they'd go on their blithe merry way ignoring everything I said - and the other half, they'd probably try to refute my statements by extolling the manifold virtues of some ill-conceived home-grown remedies. Trust me. Almost impossible to dispense medication to your own disbelieving, non-compliant mother.

Derek's mama
Paul : You're sick. Time to see a doctor!
Mother : But you're a doctor! I believe you!
Paul : I'm not falling for that trick!

So I send them to others.

Though getting my mother to admit to being vulnerable to illness can be a challenging feat in itself. But I can browbeat as well as anyone. Being a practical yet shockingly stubborn woman, my flu-stricken mother elected instead to patronize a nearby neighbourhood clinic. One messy, rundown joint that looked terribly dubious to my jaundiced eye.

Made much worse when her brief visit there took all of six milliseconds.

Seriously. I think I only managed to blink twice in the time it took for her to see the doctor. Talk about speedy! Talk about perfunctory! Doubt the lackadaisical doctor even found the time to examine her lungs with a stethoscope. Wonder if this is his usual check-up conversation.

Doctor : Got cough? Got fever? Got flu?
Patient : Yes.
Doctor : Okay. Go take your meds.
Patient : But I actually lost my leg, got my head bashed in and I -
Doctor : Next!
Patient : But I'm deathly allergic to antibiotics and I -
Doctor : Are you still here? Next!!

Like WTF.

Derek Shepherd
Waitaminute. You're still here?

Look, I know the value of expediency. In the early days of our residency when we had endless hordes of feeble patients lining at the clinic door waiting to be clerked, we had to do our jobs as quickly and efficiently as possible. Imagine a steady, unrelenting factory line of the infirm passing through the medical drones. Certainly no dawdling, idle chit-chat or bantering with the aged about their adoring grandchildren.

Always thought that a pity but I doubt the rest of the increasingly fretful patients tapping their feet outside would have appreciated me jabbering away about inconsequential matters.

But I still tried to hold a quick conversation while getting their histories. Show a little concern. Show a little kindness. Show a little heart.

Really. What happened to bedside manners?

I know private practitioners need to pay the rent but at the ( lightspeed ) rate this Dr Speedy sees patients, we might as well dispense with the obligatory visit. There might as well be a simple form ready at the door for the sickly to fill in ticking all their signs and symptoms into quiz boxes. Even better have an automated dispensing machine by the counter spilling out readily prescribed generic medications at the end of the brief quiz.

Cough + Fever + Cold = Antibiotics + Antihistamines

Hell, I might as well get it delivered with a press of a button online. Meds-R-Us. Maybe have several economical packages distributed according to price with extra vitamins placed for the value-added.

And where would our Dr Speedy Gonzalez be then?

9 comments:

Bradley Hyunckel said...

meds-r-us,cool
hot-docs-4-us?

.:: Ant ::. said...

It's all about time mamagement, esp for the GPs. Reminds me of the F1 pitstops whereby time is of the essence ..... the docs are counting the $$$ with every ticktock.

+Ant+

Cheryl said...

Some dr(s) are just too irresponsible. never encounter one single good one in my life yet

savante said...

Wish I could order a hot doctor online too, brad!

But money isn't everything, anton :)

What about me, cheryl! I'm alright, aren't I? :)

P

William said...

It's becoming the norm!

Sore throat. Fever. Flu.

x.y.z.

1.2.3.

MrBunnyBan said...

If it's one of those really 'experienced' doctors that the whole town knows about, then this is very very normal. Medicine is his cash cow and you are to be milked.

NEXT!

2ndWave said...

"There might as well be a simple form ready at the door for the sickly to fill in ... Even better have an automated dispensing machine..."

I wonder if changes in the US health program are coming to this, after everything gets computerized. Will patients be denied certain treatments if the computer says it doesn't think they qualify?

"Almost impossible to dispense medication to your own disbelieving, non-compliant mother."

Sweetheart, your mother must have memorized the same script as my mother. Mine will reject any suggestion I make. Then about 6 months later, she will start using it, claiming it was her idea. I don't argue ....

2ndWave said...

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor or nurse.

Unknown said...

I am a doctor, working in a government university and a central hospital, with lots of medical students and lots of patients.
I always tell my students that talking with the patient is 50% part of the treatment.
So, if you go to a doctor, or taking somebody to see a doctor, and the doctor won't spend enough time talking with you, then he / she is only giving 50% of the medication to you. Go to other doctor !

-W-