Saturday, November 21, 2009

Don't Stand So Close

Very few things make me squeamish. Okay, maybe torn hands dangling by the ligaments. And possibly tapeworms.

But ever since I came over here, I've found another bit to add to my list of ickiness. Or at least things that make me go ick. Enough to make me squeal like a sophomoric girl.

Lizards. Seriously. To call this lil hamlet the Lizard Kingdom could only be an understatement. These wet slimy creepy-crawlies seem to peer out of every nook and cranny in the building with their wickedly sinister eyes. Let's not even talk about their slithery tongues and the eerie snap-clicking sounds they make. No doubt the sweltering heat of this baking seaside village only helps the deceptively small reptiles proliferate in shockingly large numbers.

Obviously just waiting for me to run wildly amuck and start vacuuming the entire heinous lot into a bag for the hospital incinerator. Just the thought of a multitude of nests clustered behind corners makes me itch for a flaming bazooka. Cleansed by holy fire!

Scorpio
It's payback time, bitches!

So you can imagine the painful consternation on my face when I found one in the cabinet just as I was clearing it. A lizard adhered to the edge of the cabinet. Upside down. Not moving. Practically posing for the runway with it sticky webbed palms akimbo.

Who knows. Maybe it had a heart attack. Do lizards even have hearts?

Paul : OMG.
Felix : What is it?
Paul : Look at that!
Felix : OMG. Eeew. Why is it not moving? Is it dead?
Paul : Why don't you go ask it?

Could have sworn I let out a manly yelp but to Fabulous Felix - also in attendance - it was a high-pitched shriek of girlish horror. Seriously couldn't get the broom out fast enough.

The resourceful Glee members came up with just the right song for the occasion.


Don't stand so close to me.

9 comments:

Kenny Mah said...

The only real way to deal with lizards: SPLATT!!!

:P

Unknown said...

LMAO! I hate lizards too!
If their tails get detached,
their tails still moves! REALLY!
EEEwWWW!!!!

William said...

Enlist Froggie. He's the wildlife expert.

Bradley Hyunckel said...

never seen one in my house yet it was a hell of mess...

tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk

Gratitude said...

Lizards are so cute...and they look clean. I HATEZ those dirty roaches!
+Ant+

conan_cat said...

lizards are kyoote... as long as they don't fall into my dinner :x

Anonymous said...

Ask the locals here, lizard soup anyone? XD

Helix

Bravebear said...

Lizards are okay... in fact, they look cute to me ^.^

Same like Gratitude here... I hate roaches. Ewwww!!!

savante said...

Totally agree! Pests the entire lot, life.

Eeks. Would scream if I see that, Shakira.

Die die die. Terrifying lot, william and bradley.

Lizards are cute? But how! They are slimy and cold, gratitude and conan.

Would boil and toss them in the drain, anon.

Hate both, bravebear.

P