Christmas Parade

The first hint that things are vastly different over here in Sarawak could be the fact that very few colleagues actually wanted to apply for leave during the Hari Raya festivities. Turns out there aren't all that many Muslims around which is surprising in a Muslim-dominated country.

At least in the rest of the country. Over here in the Land of the Hornbills, Christianity rules the religious roost with the largest number of believers in the state. Judging by the number of ardent devotees last night at the Miri Christmas Parade, I'm inclined to believe the statistics.

Talk about enthusiastic.

Not only did Christmas arrive on these shores in October, we have been continually inundated with carols for the past month. Everywhere we go, fir trees glistening with ornaments abound with the prerequisite Santa hats on every other head.


Pa-rum-pum-pum. Yum!
So why not join in the fun? According to rumour - and the notice pasted on the church bulletin board ( yes, contrary to popular belief I do go to the rare Mass ), they have an annual Christmas parade in town. With Fabulous Felix and my home-stay guests - more on that later - in tow, we made our way down to the city fan to enjoy the show.

Felix : You sure non-believers won't be struck by lightning?
Paul : No worries. As blasphemous as I am, I think I'd be hit by one first.
Felix : OMG. Look at the Three Kings.
Paul : And that slutty Mary in a miniskirt! You're not fooling us with that blue wimple, lady!
Felix : Wonder if they have a lil donkey!
Paul : And a drummer boy!
Felix : Wait, is that the drummer boy?
Paul : Ooh I'd love to play with his drumsticks.
Felix : Waitaminute, Mary's closing in on him!
Paul : Skank! Go back to Joseph!

Obviously the naughty Marys here subscribe to the prevalent Ah Lian fashion as well. Trying to acclimatize religious icons to local traditions no doubt.

Starting off at sundown with a handful of prominent pastors leading the show with fiery speeches proclaiming the Glory of God in three different languages ( and yes, they do refer to Him as Allah ), the obviously electrified crowd from all the different Christian denominations seemed almost raring to go. I was almost a little afraid of the shockingly passionate fire-and-brimstone preacher screaming out Yesus Kristus at the top of his lungs!

So red in the face I thought he was close to an apoplexy.

Till they were dampened by the sadly lacklustre choir.

Rather than pick peppy, energetic tunes such as Santa Baby, the dull schoolmarm-ish choirmistress chose songs better suited for the sleepy octogenarian set. From the weepy Silent Night to a boring rendition of Away in the Manger. Doubt anyone would be swayed by their carols. Seriously. These soporific songs are meant to fire up the rapturous crowd for a candlelit march down the streets?

I almost dangerously nodded off into my candle.

Would have thrown a cross-shaped lantern at the lacklustre choir ( an ensemble made worse by the sad lack of hunky baritones ) but the disapproving Christian mob might not look too kindly upon such heathenish behaviour.