When did all brothers turn into wimps?
On television I mean. Isn't it a formulaic plot point on soap operas ( apart from the weekly trysts, mysterious monthly murders and the occasional amnesia ) that the long-lost brother turns out to be a devastatingly gorgeous fellow with a dark dangerous secret? Virile hunk who emerges suddenly from the rolling waves in a skimpy thong to the astonishment of the rest of the cast as the season cliffhanger?
Hunk : Hello, I'm the new hunk in town.
Paul : Ooh.
Hunk : And I'm your brother.
Paul : WTF!
Hunk : And I shall charm and seduce you into my bed before I reveal the shocking secret to everyone in town - including the heartless parents who abandoned me!
Paul : Fine. What are we waiting for? Let's get on it. Maybe have wild incestuous sex a couple dozen times before you tell them, okay?
Brotherly incest? Eh. Not like I'm gonna get pregnant with inbred monsters.
They sure don't make long-lost brothers like they used to!
Now wouldn't that make you tune in?
Obviously that's not how the casting folks over at Gossip Girl and Brothers & Sisters think. Somehow or other they've picked shifty-eyed, pallid, bookish Twilight freaks who hang about in dim bookcafes browsing suspiciously through dusty volumes. And when they're not hatching flimsy plots even the Famous Five could see through, they lurk around aimlessly in the background like shapeless ghosts.
And they want us to maintain interest in these junior Hannibal Lecters?