Ambulance Chasers & Loyar Buruks

Honestly I've always been in awe of lawyers. Even from the few that I know, they have always impressed me with their sheer eloquence, their analytical prowess - and the very serious thought given before uttering a single word. No doubt in fear of making a false statement!

Scary folks. From the heady days of LA Law till the recent courtroom drama the Good Wife, I've always been hopelessly enthralled by our officers of justice. Even a little infatuated with a few ( delicious Will Gardner anyone? ). Sure it's television, you say but even with all the wild embellishment for the sake of entertainment, there's always a grain of truth hidden amongst all that Hollywood chaff.


Damn. I'd fetch coffee for him.
Certainly nothing more noble than battling it out for truth and justice in the marble halls of the courthouse. But my legal eagle pals keep warning me that the brainless incompetence shown by some of the public prosecutors would have me going batty. Which I find hard to believe. Surely that many years of internment in law school would produce a graduate of some substance.

Till I saw this. Turns out I was wrong. In our very own courts, an honourable prosecutor who hoped to badger a leading witness into submission - only to have the tables turned against him when his stilted speech and illogical reasoning only brought muffled laughs from the audience. Thinking that the witness would cower as the rest of our submissive countrymen would, he tried his best to frighten her by casting doubt on her testimony only to find that the lady's made of sterner stuff.


A lawyer - who by the nature of his job should be eloquent - brought down low at a verbal joust by a forensic pathologist who converses only with the dead. Tragic.

For a post-colonial nation that once prided itself on the spoken language, we have been brought low with such an unlettered citizen. Muttering pidgin English in such an egregious way.

For shame! Henry Higgins would probably have had him whipped for the cold-blooded murder of the English tongue. I think even my precocious five-year-old niece has a finer grasp of the language than he does. What a shocking disgrace to a noble profession. And he even dared call into question the doctor's credentials when his own are very much in doubt. How can this man possibly even hold up his head amongst his learned peers after being made the laughingstock of the nation!

Just witness the memorable scene where the prosecutor insists on a demonstration of self-strangulation with his bare hands. And then later proclaiming to all that a man weighs more unconscious than conscious.

Where, oh, where is the logic. And this is the man being given the task of handling the prosecution for our national anti-corruption agency! After such a mockery at court, it shouldn't come as a surprise if the agency's a little intimidated. Imagine if they actually manage to uncover a corruption scandal that involves our political bigwigs! Even if the evidence proves unassailable, no doubt the incompetent prosecutors would be hounded out of court after being ridiculed by the fearsome legal sharks.

Amazingly enough, this enterprising gentleman has been awarded a Datukship. See why I'm so disdainful of the dime-a-dozen titles freely handed out here?

Fortunately the judge - and the defense lawyers - looked suitably distinguished or else I'd lose all faith in our legal system.

Rather than wail despondently at how low our beleaguered judiciary has sunk, this tragic farce has only bolstered my secret ambition to read law. Surely I can't be less articulate than this so-called public prosecutor ( who has been serving for more than two decades ). If this laughable shyster can be called to the bar, I can certainly hope to do so! Perhaps it's time I filled up an application for law school.