Girl : He stays with his parents.
Paul : Well they are ancient. You expect him to toss them in a rattan basket and leave them by the hillside?
Girl : Well, no, but he could always get his own place.
Paul : And leave them in that big old house?
Girl : Perhaps at the retirement home?
Paul : We're Asian. We don't do that.
I meant it as a joke.
But the more I thought about it, the more I realized how true it was for me. Certainly a given for me - as I'm sure it is for many of my peers. No matter how screwed up, your parents raised you; so when you’re old enough, you do the same for your parents. Turns out Confucius is alive and well in my home.
Yes, we are helluva conservative when it comes to this.
So when exactly did this change? When did we start following the Western style of parenting? When did the kids start thinking of moving out right after school leaving the elderly folks in a nursing home? When their parents gave them the boot right after college graduation?
Does filial piety mean handing out monthly fees for the retirement home?
Of course, advocates of the Octogenarian Nursing Home would cite proper nursing care, a greater sense of community and increased autonomy for the elderly. The advantages are clear but I think it's an easy cop-out. I don't see why they can't have all that while staying with their children as well.
I'm not saying dealing with old folks approaching senility is all that easy. I've had more than my fair share of forgetful senior citizens in my life - so yes, I understand they can be quite a burden ( ouch, I know! ) at times.
But come on, life isn't meant to be easy. Some responsibilities you just can't shirk. Till you really have exhausted all resources, you should make that little bit of effort to try. If your parents had wanted life to be easier, wouldn't it be simpler to just ship you off to a nursing creche / boarding school the second you started crawling as well?
8 comments:
They pulled through when bringing us up. It is only fair that we try our best for them in their twilight years too.
but these days people tends to forget the "root"...
i think younger generation like us thinks better than the ADULTS
I have seen the changing trend through the Hospice work. No wonder S'pore has imposed a law due to many abandoned parents.
"But come on, life isn't meant to be easy. Some responsibilities you just can't shirk."
Hear, hear!
Well said. We cared for my mother for her final three years. It was a great deal of work as she was nearly blind, deaf, and abulatory only with a walker. This imposed some stress, but we have no regrets. Duty, honor and love are more important than convenience and pleasure.
Filial piety and honor is a must despite circumstances. Although we cannot repay them back in full, it is the right thing to carry that extra burden and spend time with them. Sad to see some people dare to cart away their parents, with articulate excuses.
Helix
As we grow older, we began to understand the many sacrifices our parents made for us, something we didn't realize in our youth. As long as there is love in our hearts, we'll take care of our elderly parents.
flawed logic here, doctor. it is based on the assumption we OWE anyone anything for a decision that was well out of our control. certainly didn't have the option NOT to be born.
i'll say this first. you don't owe anything to your parents for bringing you up. the bare minimum required is ensuring that you have at minimum the ability to earn a comfortable living for yourself. if that takes 21 years or more, that's the price for the selfishness that is propagating your genetics. or unprotected heterosexual intercourse. hardly our fault that it may be difficult to raise children.
now, if they went above and beyond that, giving you the skills beyond mere comfort, then they may be entitled to a bonus for a job well done. if they have taught you to think, not being bound to proscribed paths, then congratulations, your parents may be worthy of some "reciprocal" benefits. the whole concept of owing them shit for raising us is another self-interested ploy they implant while you are too stupid to know the difference.
my parents will be receiving their share of bonuses for their above average job of raising me, but from my observations, most of the coddling slavish children would have been better brought up by a rock. do what you feel is fair, but honestly don't use the whole filial bullshit excuse. if they deserve it, it is not for raising you, but for doing it right. or do it to show them how it's done.
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