Monday, April 25, 2016

One Way or Another

With the uncertainties in the oil and gas industry affecting the city - and also the livelihood of many including Charming Calvin, we decided to downsize our wanderlust dreams into something far more financially manageable. For him at least. Somewhere reasonably close, somewhere acceptably affordable and somewhere incredibly enjoyable.

Didn't really take much for us to decide on another quick jaunt up north to Bangkok. Shopping. Eating. Sightseeing. Sounded just great for a break from the monotony of working life.

Timed it just right several days early to avoid the throngs of shirtless gay boys for Songkran. Some might find themselves understandably horrified that we would readily miss the circuit parties but with the rising temperatures brought upon this region by El Nino, the city of Bangkok certainly wasn't short of beautiful barechested boys.

How do the boys keep getting hotter? Is it the tom yum?  

In fact they seemed to be everywhere this time! Which didn't bode well for Calvin's self-esteem despite all my assurances. Me, I was too busy ogling to obsess over my pathetically troll-like appearance in comparison to these gods. Why bother about my ever-growing flab when there's so much tight abs to drool over!

Fortunately this time I also had my cousin Lispy Lori around to help point them out! A recent transfer brought her over to Bangkok which has given us even more reason - not that we needed it - to visit.

Only this time with her did I realize that being brash could just be hereditary since Lori seemed almost shameless wherever she went. Unabashedly outspoken even more so when faced with a bargain at the street market.

Paul : Price is a little steep. Any cheaper? 
Shopkeeper : Already cheap! Very cheap. 
Paul : Well I-
Lori : No no, must give discount. More discount please. 
Shopkeeper : Already give. Very cheap already. 
Lori : A bit more. 
Shopkeeper : Cannot. Later my boss kill me. 
Lori : Then give us souvenir. This little trinket for us all? 
Shopkeeper : But -
Lori : I take three yeah. 
Paul : You're so gonna get murdered one day. 
Lori : If I'm monstrous, I take after you. 

Horrifying indeed.

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

The Pimple and the Preposterous

Remember that familiar gay fairy tale featuring our ever-anxious Cinderfella? The hapless apothecary's assistant who spends his time utterly preoccupied with conjuring every possible obstacle to a relationship; therefore inadvertently dooming it before anything begins? As it turns out, even his fairy godfathers are throwing up their manicured hands in despair!

Hard to blame them when such self-inflicted misfortunes emerge right after saying once upon a time! Dozens of eligible paragons have ridden by his lil shop; but while he shamelessly drools over their virile masculine beauty, he also desperately searches for inexplicably ludicrous reasons not to start the expected chase.

Godfather : Now there's a handsome prince sitting by the fountain just waiting for someone to come along. Well mannered, highly intelligent, generous to a fault etc. etc. etc.
Cinderfella : Oh he is terribly handsome for sure. But-
Godfather : But what? Surely there's nothing to lament over his exceptional looks! You could bounce a quarter off that tight ass!
Cinderfella : He has a pimple.
Godfather : What?
Cinderfella : Just behind his right ear. 
Godfather : You'd refuse a fellow because of a minuscule - most probably temporary - pimple behind his right ear. 
Cinderfella : Maybe?

And if it's not something negligible like acne vulgaris, it's something similarly inconsequential. The way he blinks, the way he sits, the way he laughs etc.  If there's even the tiniest bit of imperfection in a seemingly perfect prince, our overly critical Cinderfella would be sure to find it.

Even one upstanding prince charming Cinderfella stubbornly repudiated for having too many friends.

Prince : That wasn't a pimple dammit! It was the angle of the light!

Surely enough to drive any enterprising fairy godfather into furiously snapping his magic wand.

No doubt these trivial rejections on his part stem from a tragically evident fear of failure but knowing the reason doesn't make it any less maddening. Talk about obsessive nitpicking!Has he never heard the wise words of Sam Keen?

'We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.'